Some days....

It's 12:32 am and I can say I made it through yesterday...(my mom's birthday). As opposed to last years disaster of flying home and basically crying for 4 days straight while fighting a nasty cold (told ya I used to be always sick). I wised up this year. I called my aunt a day early to tell her "I love ya, but please don't call to check up on me tomorrow...pass the message on". I know she means well. But on those 2 days a year...all bets are off and it takes everything in me not to me a wreck. How did I make it through today relatively unscathed? I tried to honor my mom by not being a blubbering idiot/crying basket case :) No...I just tried to make her proud by as sad as I was last year. I know that's what she would want most. Geoff made it a point to watch a bunch of movie and TV with me, since he knows that was my mom and I's "thing". My mom was the person I could always count on to watch the cool independent films that none of my other friends had even heard of...and she would also watch the scary, gory, horror films with me too. Can't say I didn't have my 10 minutes of crying upstairs while I was suppose to be folding laundry (Geoff was none the wiser thank goodness...I know it's hard for him to see me hurting, and he really tried hard today to make it a non stressful day). In hindsight...dummy over here should have know going through albums to find her Rainbow Brite costume pictures would have been a bad choice.....duh!!! I totally remember the picture....and when I couldn't find it....I just broke down, cause the first thought in my head was "mom would know where it is...wait a second..." insert tears. I think about her everyday. On days like yesterday it just hits a little harder. Thanks for letting me talk it out...